Sunday, 18 January 2015

GM zucchini feeds worlds growing demand for energy


The world has a growing and insatiable demand for energy. And one innovative Australian company is reaping the rewards by providing revolutionary solutions to meet tomorrows energy demand today. The AIMLESS Institute for research into advanced energy systems based in Canberra this week announced a breakthrough design for harvesting electrical solar energy from plants. Professor Franz Fuchs from the AIMLESS Institute explains:

“Ve vas laughing with much hilarity at ze YouTube videoz of ze glow in ze dark jellyfishez. Zhen, we zought to ourselves, why not? Letz splice zose genes into Cucurbit plant, you know ze one wit ze really big leaves. Zhen, we applied the revolutionary boozit capacitor which we developed and we getz solar electricity with better efficiency zhan ze best solar panelz commercially available”.

AIMLESS has patented both the GM plant and revolutionary boozit capacitor and is soon to float on the Australian share market to raise funds to further develop and commence commercial supply of this revolutionary new energy product.

Local and international investors are expressing considerable interest in the forthcoming float. “Get in early and reap the rewards of this revolution in energy production. It’s a real game changer” says Ms Ima Shark of the OUR mercantile bank, OUR bank private wealth and extraction division, which is underwriting the IPO scheduled for January.

Ms Shark indicated that an initial listing price of about $100 is expected and further stated that the companies patents have already reaped unparalleled financial returns as the legal team are aggressively pursuing any and all patent infringements. Confidential settlements are being reached with farmers all around the trial growing area for the GM plant. Chris is one such farmer – who is unable to be positively identified due to confidentiality clauses – but commented recently on the new GM plant:

“The High Court ruling really made me accept that ignoring glow in the dark zucchini plants was an error of judgement. I thought that they were unusual and had no idea where they came from, but it was a complete mistake just ignoring them.”

Sociologist from a local leading University Mr Wally Tosser was quoted as saying: “The problem with this sort of revolutionary technology is that in 20 years’ time, resources will be unlimited, robots will be performing all of our jobs and the very real problem will be wondering what to do with all of that spare time.”

Not everyone has been so sanguine about the new technological breakthrough. Mr John Michael Greer scholar, historian and author was recently quoted as saying:

“This talk of revolution by Fuchs sounds vaguely familiar. Anyway, I like circles”.

It can’t be denied that the demand for energy is exactly like the economy itself and will always grow onward and upward. The AIMLESS institute IPO offers a way forward into a brave new energy world. Check out their IPO at the OUR bank website and subscribe now as shares in this scheme are strictly limited.

Professor Fuchs of the AIMLESS Institute demonstrates the energy potential of the new GM zucchini and Boozit capacitor
 * On a serious note - This article is purely satirical and any reference to real people or entities is unintended and pure coincidence. Apologies to all serious people out there on the Internet!

5 comments:

orchidwallis said...

Hello Chris

I loved it.

Inge

Jason Heppenstall said...

Chris, have you ever considered a part-time career as a copywriter? Seriously, I used to write these kinds of 'articles' for companies in Denmark. The scariest thing was, the companies actually believed in their own hype.

Cherokee Organics said...

Hi Inge,

Many thanks. I really appreciate that. It was lots of fun to write.

Hi Jason,

Yeah, I'll bet they did too! It is funny how Boards request that sort of writing as if the press release was the reality. Personally, my temperament is not suited to do that sort of writing on a serious basis as I'd probably drive the editor nuts by adding in a line or three of reality. Thanks mate, I'm enjoying your story too, but it takes me a long while to read blog entries of any length.

Cheers

Chris

Mike Warner said...

Got to love it mate!!
I'm a follower of the Arch Druid and read you bit last week. Thought I'd follow up with a visit to your place via your blog.
I'm very envious... I live on a 1 acre block in the Perth hills.. all laterite gravel and coffee rock ( ironstone rich bauxite) with thin sheaths of grey sand which the locals call soil. I'm originally from Gippsland so know what real soil looks like. Anyway looks like you have a good spot for what ever the future brings. All I've got is the comfort of knowing we'll never be flooded out... 300m up the Darling Scarp!!!

Mike

Cherokee Organics said...

Hi Mike,

Nice to hear from you. I'll reply to your comment tomorrow morning!

Cheers

Chris